All personal development happens through feedback. In order to plan how we can be better tomorrow we need to know where we are today. Doing self assessment is a good tool to get own thoughts written down, but that’s still my own perception of my skills and know-how. What matters is how others do see me exercising them?

When we are asked to give feedback to our colleagues they are asking to get better understanding how they are performing their skills and know-how. Are there any hidden skills that they have, but are not using today? What would be beneficial for them to change or develop to strengthen the whole team to succeed? In other word he’s asking help to be better in what he is doing. Not a bad goal for a feedback at all, is it?

How do we understand feedback

Our brains have been wired to believe feedback is a bad thing. That’s why we might think that giving feedback is about criticizing others. We should get rid of that thinking. Especially when we are asked to give feedback to our colleagues to hear feedback on developing their careers further. When we ask for feedback we don’t ask them to criticize us; we are looking for constructive feedback for me to develop further.

Three categories of feedback at workplaces

Encouraging feedback is when you give feedback such as: ”You performed the task very well. You definitely should do more similar in the future!”

Constructive feedback is when you give feedback such as: ”Well done with the task, but I’m concerned that it lacked crucial part of the information. What did you do to prepare and how could you build on that to avoid that in the future?” Constructive feedback should not be given in front of others as it will defeat its purpose.

The most destructive form of feedback is criticism and should have no place in a company culture. Criticism is less of a statement and more of a judgment and can have an adverse effect on an employee, resulting in declining performance. ”You performed the task poorly. I don’t know why you volunteered to do it.” The difference between constructive and destructive feedback is in its intention. If you want to help someone to develop, it’s constructive. If your aim is to make them feel bad for their behavior then you are crossing the line into destructive.

Giving feedback

Giving constructive feedback does not take anything away from us. Don’t be stuck on the mindset that by giving suggestions to your colleagues makes them better than you and can then take your job. Constructive feedback isn’t telling people how you think the job should be done. Giving feedback should not bolster your ego and superiority against your colleague either. Always base your feedback on your own observations and facts, not any hearsay from others. Let them provide their feedback on their own.

About actions and behaviors

Giving feedback is about actions and behaviors, it is not about the person. Before you give any feedback, it’s good to make sure you separate these two. Use examples of behavior to demonstrate this and if you can’t find any, you are maybe targeting it incorrectly or you are getting too personal. Stating that it’s not personal but you lay down criticism does not do any good. Be constructive. To make sure that the feedback is not taken personally, replace the adjectives with verbs. So, instead of saying: “You are lazy and didn’t do your job”, say: “You forgot to make the necessary changes that you were supposed to”. You can provide guidance such as ”When I was in the similar situation I did this and it worked well for me”. There can still be many way to accomplish the goal.

Make feedback actionable

When talking about behavior, remember to describe the behavior and its impact rather than using language which labels or ‘targets’ the other person. This will help you keep the feedback and the discussion from turning very emotional. For example, rather than saying: “You’re being very rude to me”. Say instead: “When you roll your eyes while I’m speaking; it makes me feel you don’t respect what I’m saying”. Refrain from giving vague suggestions like “You are acting lazy”. Instead, be more specific and say: “Try to come to work on time”.

Giving verbal feedback

When giving feedback in person, don’t just go and shoot the feedback. He may not be as receiving as he didn’t have time to get in to the mood of receiving feedback. If instead you start by asking ”Can I give you some feedback? Is this suitable time to give one now?” makes the whole difference. And if the person says: ”No, now is not a good time” please do respect it.

Avoid loaded language

If you try to understand what happened, focus on asking WHAT and HOW, not WHY. Enquiring why someone acted the way they did can sound accusatory. This will set a negative tone, make the receiver act defensively and feel like they are on their back foot. These will not lead to constructive outcome.

Feedback for team

If you are giving feedback on a team level, give it on team level. Don’t imply of individual behaviors within team feedback. If you want to give feedback on personal level, provide it to the person directly. Otherwise the outcome is similar as giving personal feedback on front of others. It will defeat its purpose.

9 tips to give feedback:

1. Identify the goals for the feedback
2. Understand different types of feedback
3. It’s about actions and behaviors
4. Make feedback actionable.
5. Don’t make it personal
6. Avoid loaded language
7. Be specific and timely
8. Offer guidance and coaching
9. Separate team level feedback from personal

Receiving feedback

When we receive feedback we usually go through three stages — we react, reflect and respond.

During react stage we need to be aware of and manage our emotional reaction to what we are hearing or reading.

During reflect stage we should be honest with ourselves about our own performance and be open minded about what the other person said or wrote. We should allow ourselves extra time for our emotions to calm down if necessary.

During respond stage we accept the feedback by thanking the person giving it. If we don’t agree, we respectfully say so and support what we’re saying with facts or our alternative views. When receiving feedback on written we cannot respond directly, but think about your emotions and how you would have responded. If you have requested feedback from certain persons, you can send them thank you note afterwards even if the feedback is anonymous.

Next steps

After receiving feedback we should focus on the future and improvement. Plan you development path: write down options or solutions and schedule next steps. If possible use someone to reflect your thoughts and have discussion with. Be it your team leader or coach.

Read also the Deliberate practice -blog